After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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