the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
