My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
