OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
