Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
