I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
