he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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