Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
