it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
