it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
