D3 body, D1 cock
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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