dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
