Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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