guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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