It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
