if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
