well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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