I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
