Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
