a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
