I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
