I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
