he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
