Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
