I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
