Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I've blown a few things in my day
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
