Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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