According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
