when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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