My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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