I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
