How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
