i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
