You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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