im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
