Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
