hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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