Your tits are I can't wait for
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
