I think my vagina is haunted
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
