bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Vodka?
Forever.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
