I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I need a beard to bite.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
