So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
