Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
