Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
