I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
