I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
