Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
