There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
