is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
