She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
