last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
