Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
