Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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