The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
